Living with anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder.

So this is a very personal post that I've been thinking about doing for a while, the thing I was most afraid of was people's reactions to this post and don't want to be labelled as an attention seeker but I thought I would let people know what a life with anxiety is like.

It's difficult having anxiety because your brains fight or flight system is constantly switched on and working double time, even at times when there is absolutely nothing to be anxious or worried about. I have been having minor anxiety attacks since year nine but had my first major one only a few weeks ago. At first I had no idea I was having a panic attack, everything around me went blurry, my heart started beating really fast, I was very shaky, and afterwards I was very very tearful. It took me around forty minutes to calm down after that attack and proceeded to have a lump in my throat for the following five days. Nightmare! 

Unfortunately, I am a very big worrier, this brings on the anxiety and I find it really hard to rationalise things in my head when these worrying thoughts over take my brain. Unfortunately for me, my anxiety comes hand in hand with obsessive compulsive disorder tendencies which makes me then obsess about my worth even further. 

One of the things I struggle with the most is that I get an anxious stomach, it is VERY embarrassing and really quite uncomfortable, basically when I am anxious I get stomach upset. It's distressing because when I'm anxious  my stomach problems will start which leads me to panic even further which obviously makes it all even worse and the vicious cycle continues. I have found sometimes taking a few minutes to sit on my own and breathe slowly and calmly helps, or just let a close by friend know what's going on so they can help me out and calm me down. 

Obsessive compulsive disorder also likes to make me wash my hands a million times a day, I am a giant hypochondriac and worry constantly about germs which leaves me with sore, dry hands. It's really hard sometimes to tell myself to stop being so ridiculous when my worries get the best of me, that I'm going to be just fine.

Another thing I worry about a lot is people's feelings, I often worry that I said something wrong and I upset someone, or that they don't like me and are just pretending to be my friend which is damaging to my own self esteem and relationships with others. 

My doctor tells me that anxiety and ocd isn't always a bad thing, it's made me aware of people's feelings and made me think before I speak. It's made me only speak good. It's made me realise that washing my hands isn't always a bad thing and that I'm being clean! It's hard to see the good side of mental illnesses but it all happened for a reason, and it must be that I am strong enough person to cope.

Just remember "a negative mind will never give you a positive life"

All my love and so much more 

Chloe xx