"When God wants you to grow he makes you uncomfortable"

Life can be so unpredictable, so damn unpredictable. This is the beauty of life, how would we appreciate the good without struggling through the bad?

The past year has been a whirlwind for me but it as made me grow into a much better and stronger person. I really didn't expect to be where I am now but I couldn't feel anymore settled. I truly believe that life only gives you obstacles it feels you can get through because you're strong enough to overcome them. Sometimes we lose ourselves for a while in the madness of life and lose sight of all the good around us but when you eventually get out of that rut, life is so beautiful.

I've certainly had my fair share of ups and downs in the past year but now I'm out the better side of it I can truly appreciate why it all happened and that everything happens for a reason. If we was meant to stay in the same place not moving forward nor back life wouldn't throw us the obstacles to make us get up and move.

"when god wants you to grow he makes you uncomfortable"

Don't be afraid of making changes because they could be the best things that ever happened to you. In the past twelve months I have learnt;

• I'm much tougher than I think, it takes quite a lot for me to reach breaking point
• My friends are truly amazing people and I couldn't be more thankful for their support. I've found a big group of friends that I've always wanted and I love them to bits
• I don't mind change after all
• Some people aren't always what they seem, first impressions aren't always everything.
• None of your dreams are impossible, focus and keep aiming
• I'm a fighter 

So just remember when you're struggling that you wouldn't have been given anything you're not able to face, if you're at rock bottom things can't get worse and the smile is the prettiest thing you can ever wear!

All my love, support and encouragement,

Chloe xo

Who Said Our Imperfections Aren't Perfect?

It's all very common for people to get braces and straighten their teeth, for people to cover up their freckles with makeup and have their scars removed by lasers. I have a question though, why do we do this? Who decided that our imperfections are flaws and should be hidden from everyone else? These differences are our true beauty, these things make us individuals.

These thoughts all came about when I glanced in the mirror and noticed the shift of my teeth, the once beautifully straight teeth from braces had slowly began to move back into the crooked teeth they once were. But then I second thought my disappointment, why aren't my slightly crooked teeth not beautiful? Why can I not embrace this individual beauty.

If it wasn't for the gap in her teeth would Maybelline model Georgia May Jagger be so famous?

"I wouldn't even have braces on my teeth. I think they are horrible and this idea that everyone should conform and be perfect is ridiculous"

Two years after having my braces removed I have come to agree with what Georgia Jagger has to say. I think we should all learn to love ourselves, to love everything that makes us unique, from our scars to our teeth. We should appreciate our individual beauty and from loving ourselves the world may begin to accept that these things are okay, that these are the true things photographers should be catching on models and not their perfectly straight pearly whites or their flawless complexions. 

"A person that has good thoughts can never be ugly. You can have a wonky nose, a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely" - The Twits, Roald Dahl. 

Chloe x

Fabulous Five: Stopping a panic attack in five steps.

Most people have a panic attack at some stage in their life whether it be minor and controllable or one so big that it can leave a lump in your throat for days, even weeks later.

I'd had miniature panic attacks most of my life that I easily learnt to control. Sometimes it came in the form of chest pains and palpitations and others where my throat turned dry and I struggled to breathe. I learnt to control all these symptoms fairly easily when I sat and thought it through logically.

When I was 18 I had my first major attack, one so bad I wasn't really sure what was going on or how to calm it down. All of a sudden the room around me started to spin, I was clammy, shaky and felt extremely sick. Because I'd never experienced anything like it I began to panic even more to the point I couldn't take proper breaths. I was sat on my own in college at the time but luckily my friend Lucy came to the rescue and helped me calm down. It left me in a teary, anxious and panicked state and I had a lump in my throat for week following the attack which made me feel nauseous. 

After that I vowed to myself I would never let myself have an attack like that again and came up with 5 steps to stop the panic so I could carry on my day as normal and it wouldn't affect my studies and my work.  I thought it would be nice to share my steps with everyone else because it truly does help me. 

• Step One; Focus on nothing but your own breathing, take nice deep breaths. In through your nose and out through your mouth.
  
• Step Two; Assess, what is causing this attack? My panic attacks were often caused by making up scenarios in my head about people coming into the building to attack me. If you know your triggers you can learn to distract yourself before it starts. Take note for the future so you're ready.
  
• Step Three; Rationalize. Of course someone coming to attack me was highly unlikely, I learnt to remind myself that I was SAFE! Tell yourself that its okay to worry and sometimes it's a good thing but also unnecessary in this case. 
• Step Four; Think of your happiest ever moments. My bestest friends Emma and Sammie, I like to remind myself of happy memories we've shared or I like to think of my baby sister who always brings a smile to my face.
   
• Step Five; Coming down from the panic, I find this bit the most difficult. I have to try get myself out of that mindset or else it will start again. If there's a friend there tell them! If not distract yourself, get stuck into something, either work, studies or just calling up a friend or family member and that will help you rid the last stage of your panic.

Next time you have a panic attack try this, it's helped me every single time and I can enjoy my life like I used to be able too. It's been a year since my first major attack and I've only had two like it ever since. 

Keep smiling, keep fighting. I'll be here every single step of the way.

Chloe xx

Living And Working With A Mental Health Disorder

In the past few weeks my anxiety has been higher than ever before and my self confidence has dropped to and all time low, some days I find it hard just to find the motivation and reason to get out of bed at the weekend, never mind to get up and work for a living.

I did this post so people can see that they're not alone and that they shouldn't suffer in silence because so many people go through it and hopefully can relate to my post.

I've been suffering low mood and generalized anxiety disorder since I was young with occasional spats of OCD. I didn't really understand what I was going through until I was around fifteen years old and honestly just thought my feelings were normal and everybody got them. Some days I could just cry at the drop of a hat or have a huge panic attack for no reason.

People with generalized anxiety know that there isn't always a trigger for an attack but once you have one for days after you can be shaky, nervous, really teary and very sad. It's hard to get yourself back out of that mind-frame especially after a big unexpected attack. I've found the best thing to do is tell the people around you so they know how you feel and can support you a little bit better. I'm lucky to have great colleagues that try understand and let me take a breather if I start to feel a little overwhelmed. I sometimes struggle even going into a shop, ordering my food at McDonald's is stressful for me when I see the queue going down and I haven't decided what I want yet, I panic because I feel like everyone is looking at me or because I haven't got my money ready and silly things like that.

The low mood seriously impacts my self-esteem and even now I'll doubt myself and how good I am at my job, my college work and my looks and it can really take its toll when you let them feelings over power you. I just have to try tell myself to rationalize these thoughts and get on with my life and be the best that I can be and know that I'm not alone.

It's hard to work when you're worried about what people think about you, when getting on a busy bus makes you panic that everyone is judging you but at the same time those that suffer these type of illnesses are those who try so hard to help others, because we don't want anyone to feel the way that we feel.

I feel that its made me compassionate and caring, making someone smile is the best gift to give. So if you ever feel that your mental illness is pulling you back think of all the times you've been motivated because of it. When you tell yourself that you wont let it beat you, or that you'll push through it. Well done because you're already taking the first step to getting past it!

Keep smiling, keep fighting;

Chloe xx

Low Budget Skincare!

New year is the time where everybody is looking for a fresh start from their workouts to their skin care, for the past year I've been using soap and glory's products and I definitely wouldn't ever go back!

Scrub of your life: £7.00 from Boots

Butter yourself: £10 from boots

Scrub of yourself scrub is perfect for exfoliating, I use it as a facial and body scrub and personally works wonders for me. It keeps away flakes off my nose and also works brilliantly on my elbows and chest before I fake tan to avoid patches.

I use butter yourself again on my face and body after a shower which leaves me my skin feeling silky smooth and it smells absolutely lovely, it's one of the things I love about soap and glory products. Even their makeup smells fantastic.

Peaches And Clean: £10 from boots

This cleanser is my favourite so far! It makes you feel so clean and your skin feeling very light and healthy. It easily gets rid of makeup and any other product on your face leaving you feeling fantastic. 

£27 for a new skincare change is fairly cheap but is also very affective and helps me feel my best even when I'm not wearing any makeup. I'd highly recommend to my readers because it looks and feels beautiful! 

If you've used these products I'd love to hear your feedback in the comments! 

Chloe x

What Will Be Will Be

I've been on this planet just over nineteen years, in those nineteen years I've battled so many things, but throughout those battles I have learnt so much. Even if that means losing the battles sometimes. 

Sometimes, things you planned don't always work out and sometimes you have to say goodbye to something to open up a new doorway in your life. I used to be so stubborn and naive but then I learnt quitting and closing the door doesn't always mean you've lost the fight, it simply means you're doing the right thing and creating a new path. 

This year has definitely been a difficult one for me and I've had to walk away from many things that I thought were doorways into my future. But, I know that everything happens for a reason... It happens because life wants you to grow and learn and make a change as a person. It's scary as hell but sometimes you just need to go with the flow and see where the stream takes you. You might go through some dark and nasty places but you'll end up somewhere bright and beautiful.

I'm definitely not at the bright and beautiful place yet but I know that I will be eventually. If dark things hadn't had happened in my life I wouldn't have met my bestest friends or ended up in a job I love.

It gets better, I promise.

Just remember "it might take a year, or it might take a day but what's meant to be will always find its way" 

Chloe xx

Caitlyn Jenner - The Beautiful Soul

Anyone that knows me well knows how welcome I am to people from any walks of life and if they treat me with respect I will treat them with the same.

I'm a really big fan of the Kardashians and when I heard about Bruce/Cait's transition I was shocked, but was excited to hear more about his journey to becoming a woman. Since the news broke of Cait's transition I have seen a cocktail of opinions on social media, some saying how brave she is and others comparing her bravery to that of a soldier. I feel that those are very two different things and cannot be compared as bravery is bravery, whether it be in a job role or in personal life. 

I cannot imagine what she has gone through her whole life. The thought of being trapped in another body that isn't yours and not only that but facing so much attention from the media must have been extremely hard. I have fallen in love with Cait's beautiful soul, her outlook on life and her willing to help and learn more about other people's stories. She doesnt have to make such an effort but she does and it's something to be proud off. 

Caitlyn is currently working within her community to learn about those around her and their trans stories. One lady was refused entry to nursing school despite amazing grades, out of kindness Caitlyn paid for her entrance to school so after years of being turned down she can finally become a nurse. Like many other trans people another lady did sex work to pay for treatment and medication. It's a trap many transgender people fall into and they don't always have happy endings. I think it's so kind of Caitlyn to get to know the stories of those around her so she can learn it isn't as easy for some people as it has been for her. She doesn't have to talk and try make a change, but she does and it's inspiring.

I hope people can learn from her caring, giving ways. That there's more to what meets the eye and that everyone has their own struggles so it's important to always be kind with your words.

Chloe x