Living with anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder.

So this is a very personal post that I've been thinking about doing for a while, the thing I was most afraid of was people's reactions to this post and don't want to be labelled as an attention seeker but I thought I would let people know what a life with anxiety is like.

It's difficult having anxiety because your brains fight or flight system is constantly switched on and working double time, even at times when there is absolutely nothing to be anxious or worried about. I have been having minor anxiety attacks since year nine but had my first major one only a few weeks ago. At first I had no idea I was having a panic attack, everything around me went blurry, my heart started beating really fast, I was very shaky, and afterwards I was very very tearful. It took me around forty minutes to calm down after that attack and proceeded to have a lump in my throat for the following five days. Nightmare! 

Unfortunately, I am a very big worrier, this brings on the anxiety and I find it really hard to rationalise things in my head when these worrying thoughts over take my brain. Unfortunately for me, my anxiety comes hand in hand with obsessive compulsive disorder tendencies which makes me then obsess about my worth even further. 

One of the things I struggle with the most is that I get an anxious stomach, it is VERY embarrassing and really quite uncomfortable, basically when I am anxious I get stomach upset. It's distressing because when I'm anxious  my stomach problems will start which leads me to panic even further which obviously makes it all even worse and the vicious cycle continues. I have found sometimes taking a few minutes to sit on my own and breathe slowly and calmly helps, or just let a close by friend know what's going on so they can help me out and calm me down. 

Obsessive compulsive disorder also likes to make me wash my hands a million times a day, I am a giant hypochondriac and worry constantly about germs which leaves me with sore, dry hands. It's really hard sometimes to tell myself to stop being so ridiculous when my worries get the best of me, that I'm going to be just fine.

Another thing I worry about a lot is people's feelings, I often worry that I said something wrong and I upset someone, or that they don't like me and are just pretending to be my friend which is damaging to my own self esteem and relationships with others. 

My doctor tells me that anxiety and ocd isn't always a bad thing, it's made me aware of people's feelings and made me think before I speak. It's made me only speak good. It's made me realise that washing my hands isn't always a bad thing and that I'm being clean! It's hard to see the good side of mental illnesses but it all happened for a reason, and it must be that I am strong enough person to cope.

Just remember "a negative mind will never give you a positive life"

All my love and so much more 

Chloe xx

Why I love working in healthcare

I've done so many posts about the past and my current plans but hardly ever speak about my job and what made me fall in love with working in health care.

I never thought I'd end up working as a health care assistant, EVER. I took a job at a health centre as a receptionist to start of with to pick me up after being down for numerous months and get me back into a routine. A year later my manager asked me if I would like to accept the job of a trainee HCA. Of course I accepted, after many months of pestering.

I love working with people from all walks of life, it's so interesting to work with people with such a big difference in personalities. One day I would love to work in critical care and work with people who are seriously suffering and try and make them feel that little bit better. Every single person I work with has been a huge inspiration, the nursing team I work within are amazing. Everyday I feel so lucky to work with such intelligent people and I feel so blessed.

Working in health care is a wonderful and rewarding thing, seeing somebody smile as they hear good news about their health or even just because you remembered to ask them how their Christmas/New year was, it's a job I would recommend to anybody who loved people and loved to help. 

Huge amount of appreciation to everybody who works in health and social care, without you our world wouldn't be the same! 

Love Chloe x

"Always find the time for things that make you happy to be alive"

This week has been an eye opener for me for multiple reasons;

I now know I need to learn to put myself first. I was to busy focusing on my career in the armed forces that I put my health and well-being at the bottom of the list of my priorities. After months of struggling I decided to put and end to it and go to the doctor and sort myself out, I won't lie, I am finding it very difficult. I had to make the choice between my career as an army HCA in the future or being happy in the present. 

It's been a week since I made that decision and today I felt my first lift of joy! I decided I would go to Cubs with my best friend and see if I liked it, and I did! So I'm going to continue volunteering with my local Cubs and it will give me something positive to use my energy on rather than over thinking every tiny little thing. It is so important to look after your well-being because that truly will shape your life, don't let things control you to much and find the time to spend time with family, friends and participating in your favourite hobbies, there is nobody more important than you.

I am gradually feeling better about everything in my life, my over thinking and unnatural worries was tearing apart everything positive I have in my life and I'm proud I made the step to become a happier, more positive person again. 

So in a nutshell I am saying don't focus to much on the future but focus on what is happening right now, it is important to have future goals and something to work towards but your well-being right now is so much more important!

Keep smiling, guys. 

I believe in you, I have all the faith in the world in you all.

So much love 

Chlo xxx