What Will Be Will Be

I've been on this planet just over nineteen years, in those nineteen years I've battled so many things, but throughout those battles I have learnt so much. Even if that means losing the battles sometimes. 

Sometimes, things you planned don't always work out and sometimes you have to say goodbye to something to open up a new doorway in your life. I used to be so stubborn and naive but then I learnt quitting and closing the door doesn't always mean you've lost the fight, it simply means you're doing the right thing and creating a new path. 

This year has definitely been a difficult one for me and I've had to walk away from many things that I thought were doorways into my future. But, I know that everything happens for a reason... It happens because life wants you to grow and learn and make a change as a person. It's scary as hell but sometimes you just need to go with the flow and see where the stream takes you. You might go through some dark and nasty places but you'll end up somewhere bright and beautiful.

I'm definitely not at the bright and beautiful place yet but I know that I will be eventually. If dark things hadn't had happened in my life I wouldn't have met my bestest friends or ended up in a job I love.

It gets better, I promise.

Just remember "it might take a year, or it might take a day but what's meant to be will always find its way" 

Chloe xx

Caitlyn Jenner - The Beautiful Soul

Anyone that knows me well knows how welcome I am to people from any walks of life and if they treat me with respect I will treat them with the same.

I'm a really big fan of the Kardashians and when I heard about Bruce/Cait's transition I was shocked, but was excited to hear more about his journey to becoming a woman. Since the news broke of Cait's transition I have seen a cocktail of opinions on social media, some saying how brave she is and others comparing her bravery to that of a soldier. I feel that those are very two different things and cannot be compared as bravery is bravery, whether it be in a job role or in personal life. 

I cannot imagine what she has gone through her whole life. The thought of being trapped in another body that isn't yours and not only that but facing so much attention from the media must have been extremely hard. I have fallen in love with Cait's beautiful soul, her outlook on life and her willing to help and learn more about other people's stories. She doesnt have to make such an effort but she does and it's something to be proud off. 

Caitlyn is currently working within her community to learn about those around her and their trans stories. One lady was refused entry to nursing school despite amazing grades, out of kindness Caitlyn paid for her entrance to school so after years of being turned down she can finally become a nurse. Like many other trans people another lady did sex work to pay for treatment and medication. It's a trap many transgender people fall into and they don't always have happy endings. I think it's so kind of Caitlyn to get to know the stories of those around her so she can learn it isn't as easy for some people as it has been for her. She doesn't have to talk and try make a change, but she does and it's inspiring.

I hope people can learn from her caring, giving ways. That there's more to what meets the eye and that everyone has their own struggles so it's important to always be kind with your words.

Chloe x

Society And It's Impacts On Self Esteem

Growing up in this day and age is hard, there are so many things that affect the way we feel about ourselves and other people. Technology is more popular then ever with 74% of online adults worldwide using social media. That's not including pre-teens/teenagers. 

How does social media affect young adults?

Younger people are easily influenced by celebrities and gaming ect. and are more likely to behave a certain way because of the type of shows they watch or games they play. I personally believe that I am more affected now than I was seven years ago when I didn't have access to social media websites. If one of my favourite celebrities bought a certain lipstick I would probably go out and buy that certain lipstick because they said it was good. 

How does all this impact self-confidence?

Since I started paying more attention to high fashion, following brands online such as Balmain, Chanel and Versace is has made me feel different about my own self image. I am a huge fan of models such as Gigi Hadid, Kendal Jenner, Winnie Harlow and Cara Delevigene. I have become so engrossed in their lives and their looks it has damaged how I feel about my own. I will pick out my own flaws on a daily basis such as, my jawline isn't as defined as theirs, why aren't my cheek bones are high? I'm too short, my legs are long enough and other ridiculous things. I will compare myself to these models so much that it's hard to feel beautiful and I don't feel confident unless I've done my makeup and sculpted my fave a bit more. 

It's scary because this is at 19 years old, I should know better than to do this to myself but I can't help it. What about those even younger than me that have started looking at these things earlier? Girls as young as 12 hating their bodies.

We should embrace our individuality So much more but we're a generation caught up in models, materialistic items and things that don't really matter.

It's heart breaking to know that people end their lives because they don't feel good enough and don't feel like they for in with today's ridiculously high standards and aren't happy with how they look. 

Just remember how beautiful you are.

Butterflies can't see their own wings and yet they're beautiful. You're a butterfly, you cannot see, but you are so beautiful.

Chloe x

The Placebo Effect

During my time working in health care something that has amazed me is something called the placebo effect. For those of you that do not the know what this is, it is when a patient is given a fake injection or medication (the placebo) and then they have an improvement (which is the effect). In 1996 scientists gathered a group of students to test a new painkiller called "travaricaine" which was a brown substance to be painted onto the skin. However the students were not told that this "medicine" only contained iodine, water and thyme oil, none of which are pain killing medicines. Each student painted some of this substance on their finger and they all said they experienced less pain. This is the placebo effect. It has had real psychological results such as bringing down hypertension, heart rates and even helping with depression and anxiety. This is all because a patient believes that when they take a medication it will make them better. Because of their psychological state and the reaction from the brain it helps with their illness.

The patients surroundings and care play a big factor in this. Was the Dr welcoming and friendly? Was the patient in a comfortable surrounding? If the patient is kn an area that they feel comfortable they are more likely to respond to treatment even if it is a placebo.

There is still a big debate whether placebo drugs are an ethical response to somebodies pain/mental health and if a placebo is given, a practitioner must decide whether it is a good idea to take this strategy with a particular patient and whether this may cause more harm than good if the placebo doesn't work and how will the patient respond when they find out they were taking a placebo trial instead of being given working medications. 

If you have any thoughts on the placebo effect add a comment and let me know. Is this a new step for the NHS and future cost effective medicine?

Thanks for reading.

Chloe.

Anabolic Steroid Misuse - The Dangers Of Medicines Abuse

Since we've arrived into the summer months I have seen so many pictures of people on their holiday's, but what has stuck out to me is the pictures of those clearly using anabolic steroids for all the wrong reasons.

Doctors prescribe steroids such as fluoxymesterone to young boys with genetic disorders to up testosterone levels. They are synthetic substances similar to testosterone and promote bone strengthening and muscle growth, although the use of these supplements are useful in cases with those with a medical condition it often has an adverse effect in people that don't need to take them such as;

Men

- A reduce in sperm count

- Enlarge the breasts

- Shrink the testicles 

Women

- Increase body hair

- Make skin rough

- Decrease breast size

- Deepen the voice

The use of anabolic steroids is easily noticed when compared to those with natural muscle toning. The muscle is built up ontop of fat rather than replacing the body fat. Those on steroids are more at risk of heart attacks at a younger age, high blood pressure which can be very dangerous if a patient is due for surgery and liver disease and cancers.

It's effects can be so strong doctors often have to prescribe medications to stop the withdrawal symptoms when somebody is coming off anabolic steroids. If you want to increase your muscle the best way to do it is naturally and safely and take advice from a personal trainer if you're unaware of what you should be doing. 

Make sure those who you know are aware of the risks they are taking when misusing steroids. Substance misuse services can be contacted for help and support alongside of your GP's help.

Remember to stay safe and healthy even though the idea of anabolic steroids can be tempting. 

Chloe

Health Care Assistant,

Aspiring Major Trauma Nurse.

Working as a HCA.

My job is something which means a great deal to me but something I haven't really blogged about much, so as I have lost my inspiration to blog again I thought I'd write a little more about it... 

Working in healthcare is something I never expected myself doing, I wanted to be cabin crew for a number of years and then applied for the army inspired by my boyfriend, unfortunately I didn't get in and ended up making the best choice in the world by pestering my boss for a job as a health care assistant in a general practice.

"When one door closes another one opens" 

I'm studying Advanced Clinical Healthcare Support at a level 3, something that is so interesting to me, I love physiology and anatomy and learning about the human body. I go on a course for phlebotomy (blood taking) in a few weeks and I am so excited! 

I have found something I have a huge passion for. I love caring for my patients and providing them with the best possible standard in health care I can, feel like I can empathise with my patients which makes me the health care assistant I am. For me, personally when you work in health care the job never ends, you don't stop caring for people when you walk through your works doors at the end of the day. If it's not your patients it's your family and friends and I don't think people give doctors, nurse practitioners, nurses and auxiliary nurses enough credit for all the hard work they do because they DO-NOT-STOP when works over... They keep caring.

Looking back at my time at school I always enjoyed helping others when they were sad, I didn't just listen to their problems I took them on as my own. I thought about how they must have felt and that helped me give them the best advice. The only problem was it was mentally straining, especially when I had my own issues. I suppose all along I was destined for my job path... 

Hopefully one day I will qualify as a nurse and fulfil my dream of specialising in major trauma and help those in critical and possibly fatal conditions. 

Health care assistants aren't always given the respect they deserve off nurses and I've often felt looked down upon by people that I went to school with who are doing their nursing degrees, I work with two health care assistants and they both go above and beyond their job roles. I've never met such commited and caring people and they should be so proud of themselves! 

Next time you see a Doctor, nurse or anyone else working in health care tell them that they're doing a good job (if they are of course) because it will more than likely make their day... And if you do work in care, a huge well done to you because I understand how difficult it really is!

Love 

Chloe xx

In Honour Of My Best Friend

Nearly two years ago at my boyfriends 18th birthday party I was introduced to Emma, someone who I am lucky enough to now call my best friend...

Emma, my best friend. 

I saw her around school a few times and she doesn't know this but I always thought she was absolutely gorgeous, I knew of her but I didn't really know her. Little did I know she was a close family friend of my future fiancé, who I had no idea even existed at the time. 

Anyway, I wanted to do this post as I feel as though she deserves it, and I feel she needs the confidence boost. She has no idea that I'm writing this. Emma inspires me every single day with her kindness, intelligence and her perseverence with the pain that she goes through on a daily basis. She has Psoriatic Arthiritis in her hand which is a huge problem for her  especially being an English Litereature degree student. 

Emma also has migraines often which are light sensitive, it stops her from doing things that she enjoys doing some daus when the pain is really bad, but it never stops her from being an amazing friend. She volunteers as a scout/cub leader at 38th rossendale scout group. She also got me involved and I'm about to start my training also.

Emma (right) and myself (left).

She never stops helping others and it's so inspiring, she works with the scouts, volunteers as a teaching assistant at our old highschool and helps me and many of her other friends on a daily basis, along with doing her degree! I think it is pretty amazing considering she goes through everything she does. 

So I guess I just wanted to tell the world how amazing she is.

Emma, you're an amazing best friend. You're going to be an amazing maid of honour for me and Harry next year on our wedding day. You're so beautiful, courageous and bright. Someone I hope to become one day. I love you!

Chloe xx

Cosmetic Surgery And Media's Influence

We live in a time where media influences the decisions of most people around the globe, people are becoming famous for having over 50,000 followers on social media and those who are already famous are growing their fan base through Instagram, Twitter and other social networking sites.

Social media is a great invention, people from other sides of the world can communicate and keep track of each others lives, but it also has its bad points, as I have explained in other blog posts. Sites like Instagram are full of 'selfies' and perfect, photo shopped images. These pictures are making men and women all over the world find flaws in their own looks, including myself. Children as young as eleven are growing up unhappy because they don't look like the next Kim Kardashian. Like social media isn't crazy enough, Kim K herself has brought out a book full of her selfies that she has taken over the years. I am eighteen years old, and in the past three/four years of my life I have wanted a nose job, a boob job, jaw fillers and fillers for my cheeks and lips, this has all come about in the recent years since I started using social media, using magazines and watching the world famous 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians'

With all these people growing up unsatisfied with their natural beauty, plastic surgery is becoming more of a common option for young men and women. In 2013 in the UK 50,122 cosmetic surgeries took place, a 17% rise from the previous year. People are having their plastic surgeries in other countries to avoid the huge costs but putting themselves at risk, often coming home with bad, infected and life threatening results. 

Yesterday, for the first time I watched a television show called 'botched', A show where two doctors try and help people with "botched" plastic surgery or try to help those who have become addicted to it. On the show there was two women with two very different, situations;

One was a lady who when she was younger was accidentally struck in the nose by her mothers elbow, as a result she broke her nose (which they didn't realise at the time) this caused an overgrowth of scar tissue which causes breathing difficulties. When she was twenty one she had surgery on her nose to correct the breathing issue and the tissue overgrowth, but unfortunately the doctor did a bad job and left her with a nose that was caving in, enlarging her nostrils and giving her pain. The doctors had to take bone from her ribs, and cartilage from her ears to rebuild her nose, this nose job transformed her life, made her happier with her looks and she would be no longer in pain, and no longer have the breathing difficulties.

However, the second case was a lady who was addicted to surgery, she had over ten boob jobs in her life.She also had nose surgeries,lip fillers, her eyes enlarged and many other procedures. She had been through a sex change but went too far and couldn't stop changing her body. Her ideal look being that of a sex doll. This lady wanted a further boob job to correct the issue with her current breasts which had formed after her tenth surgery, called a 'double bubble' where you could see her first boob job on top of her second. She wanted her lips doing again that another doctor had previously refused as she wouldn't be able to close her mouth properly and wanted her nose making smaller, again. The doctors refused to give her another boob job as he said the skin was so thin that if he did another her skin may burst causing a serious and possibly fatal incident. He offered this lady an appointment for therapy as he felt she had a serious mental problem and a constant need to change her body. He was also worried that another doctor would give her what she wanted for the money and not putting her health first.

The first case was a correction reason, to help the patient with her breathing and give her a more positive life, the second was because the patient had a mental issue and longed for the plastic, sex doll look. She had also idolized barbie and unfortunately her obsession went dangerously far.

In some cases plastic surgery is a good thing, for people born with health issues and helps improve their quality of life. Angelina Jolie, the famous actress and icon being an example. She had a double mastectomy in 2013 due to carrying a cancer gene, she wanted to minimize the risks as much as she could. She then had breast implants after her mastectomy back to her breast size. In my opinion this form of plastic surgery is completely justifiable, including people who have surgery due to back pain because of large breasts, nose surgery because of bad breathing and other medical reasons. 

It is important that we bring up the next generations into a world where their natural beauty is accepted and not told to hide it away, I would hate for my little sister to grow up and criticize every bit of herself. Our eyes, nose, lips are features that make us who we are, they make us different. If we all had our nose done like our favorite celebrity, and our lips the same as Kylie Jenner, wouldn't we all look the same? What is a world with no variety? A bleak one.

It is important to embrace your natural beauty, not to change it.

Just remember, you're beautiful,

Love Chloe xx

New beginnings...

So, its been a while. I haven't had any ideas what to blog about recently, it seems as if I have been lacking motivation. 

After a few down in the dumps weeks I have decided a big change is in order. I have decided I need to stop spending my time on social media and getting myself down about what I don't have and focus on what I do. I spend too much of my time envying the Kardashian lifestyle on Instagram instead of being grateful for what I already have.

I need to throw myself into my college work more than before and make sure my work is up to the highest standard. I'm currently studying Advanced Clinical Health Care Support at a level three and working in a General Practice as a trainee Health Care Assistant. It's a job I have a huge passion for and I love caring for people on a daily basis. I hope to become a major trauma nurse in the future, where I will be looking after people with fatal illnesses and injuries. If I want to get into university to study adult nursing I have to show my capability to my college.

I need to focus on my friends and family and my relationship, I'm lucky to have the people around me that I do. I wouldn't be able to get by without my family, my fiancé and my amazing best friend who stands by me through thick and thin.

I'm hoping that this change will give me more time to appreciate my life and become a happier person. I will try and find more time to blog (and come up with ideas) so I can focus my energy on something positive.

Hopefully this will be a journey towards a happier and more fufilling life, and I hope that this will inspire others to do so to!

Love

Chloé x

OCD in film and television.

Being a person that sufferes from OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) I find myself getting repeatedly offended by film makers, I was watching a film and somebody was labelled a freak because he was obsessed with washing his hands and would worry about germs, it upset me because I am also overly worried about germs and I always have to wash my hands. It is a compulsion. I will have a sudden need to wash my hands and if I don't it will really bug me. 

Not only did it bother me because I am also a sufferer of this horrible illness but it doesn't just affect people in a way that they physically have to do something. I also struggle mentally, with worry, I somewhat have a need to worry, even if I don't want to me subconscious takes over and makes me panic.

OCD affects my daily life, I get worried about touching door handles, especially those in public toilets, I worry about using other people's pens that aren't mine and I hate people touching my food or going anywhere near my plate. Even someone getting a crisp from my packet is enough to put me off. I often worry about making mistakes or saying the wrong thing as if I do, that will be in my head for months, no lie. That mistake will bother me for so long, I will obsess over it. I avoid going out to places where I won't know most of the people because I'm worried about doing something wrong...

But

That doesn't make me a 'freak' at all. I'm just someone that is unfortunate enough to have a horrible condition which makes me worry a lot. People with OCD have feelings too, it's not nice to make someone feel like they're weird because of a disorder which isn't their fault. The more stigma there is about OCD the harder it is to break. 

If you're suffering, be brave. I'm always here if you need a chat because I know exactly what it's like. Don't listen to those which laugh at your condition, you're strong and you can get through it. 

All my love

Chloe xx

Why we should be more aware of social media

The era in which we live in today means that our generation uses social media accounts to express themselves more freely than they would do in everyday life whilst going to school, college or work. Why? The internet is a place where sometimes only complete strangers can see what we reveal and if we are judged by them it's far easier to fight back from behind a keyboard. For many people, especially shy people like myself the internet is a great place to show how you truly feel without the worry of how people react.

Unfortunately in some cases these blogging websites such as Tumblr can cause more harm than good, influencing people who are easily impacted by things presented to them. A few years ago a dangerous craze started on Tumblr with people reblogging what they called 'thinspiration' where people uploaded pictures of themselves or other extremely, dangerously thin girls to use as inspiration to others. The TV star Gok Wan created a TV series for the teenage generation and one of the episodes was based on a young girl whose self loathing led to anorexia. She created her body image on the photos of the girls she had seen on a blogging website and as a result made herself very ill. Since this outbreak of the 'thinspiration' craze Tumblr has been very careful to monitor the users and ensure they are using the site in an appropriate and healthy way.

I have also seen other sad ways people use the popular blog website, such as uploading violent, graphic and suicidal images. Uploading pictures relating to death, self harm and self loathing. This is something not just tumblr needs to monitor but the people that view these users that reblog and upload this particular kind of content. When people show an increased interest towards death this should be a major warning sign that this person needs help. I understand that sometimes people just want to reblog an image because they like it but in many cases it is a way of self expression and is sometimes even a cry for help.

Being a user of tumblr myself I am always on alert for somebody that uploads dark, or self damaging content. It is important that we see these blog pages as an expression and not just a photo as sometimes we may be able to help somebody who is in deep need of comfort and somebody to talk to. I understand that it is difficult and sometimes seen as quite intrusive, but, you may just save a life.

I will add a link to my own tumblr account if you want to have a look at my expressions,

remember, always be aware.

Lots of love
Chloe xx

http://spoonfulofwishfulthinking.tumblr.com/

Living with anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder.

So this is a very personal post that I've been thinking about doing for a while, the thing I was most afraid of was people's reactions to this post and don't want to be labelled as an attention seeker but I thought I would let people know what a life with anxiety is like.

It's difficult having anxiety because your brains fight or flight system is constantly switched on and working double time, even at times when there is absolutely nothing to be anxious or worried about. I have been having minor anxiety attacks since year nine but had my first major one only a few weeks ago. At first I had no idea I was having a panic attack, everything around me went blurry, my heart started beating really fast, I was very shaky, and afterwards I was very very tearful. It took me around forty minutes to calm down after that attack and proceeded to have a lump in my throat for the following five days. Nightmare! 

Unfortunately, I am a very big worrier, this brings on the anxiety and I find it really hard to rationalise things in my head when these worrying thoughts over take my brain. Unfortunately for me, my anxiety comes hand in hand with obsessive compulsive disorder tendencies which makes me then obsess about my worth even further. 

One of the things I struggle with the most is that I get an anxious stomach, it is VERY embarrassing and really quite uncomfortable, basically when I am anxious I get stomach upset. It's distressing because when I'm anxious  my stomach problems will start which leads me to panic even further which obviously makes it all even worse and the vicious cycle continues. I have found sometimes taking a few minutes to sit on my own and breathe slowly and calmly helps, or just let a close by friend know what's going on so they can help me out and calm me down. 

Obsessive compulsive disorder also likes to make me wash my hands a million times a day, I am a giant hypochondriac and worry constantly about germs which leaves me with sore, dry hands. It's really hard sometimes to tell myself to stop being so ridiculous when my worries get the best of me, that I'm going to be just fine.

Another thing I worry about a lot is people's feelings, I often worry that I said something wrong and I upset someone, or that they don't like me and are just pretending to be my friend which is damaging to my own self esteem and relationships with others. 

My doctor tells me that anxiety and ocd isn't always a bad thing, it's made me aware of people's feelings and made me think before I speak. It's made me only speak good. It's made me realise that washing my hands isn't always a bad thing and that I'm being clean! It's hard to see the good side of mental illnesses but it all happened for a reason, and it must be that I am strong enough person to cope.

Just remember "a negative mind will never give you a positive life"

All my love and so much more 

Chloe xx

Why I love working in healthcare

I've done so many posts about the past and my current plans but hardly ever speak about my job and what made me fall in love with working in health care.

I never thought I'd end up working as a health care assistant, EVER. I took a job at a health centre as a receptionist to start of with to pick me up after being down for numerous months and get me back into a routine. A year later my manager asked me if I would like to accept the job of a trainee HCA. Of course I accepted, after many months of pestering.

I love working with people from all walks of life, it's so interesting to work with people with such a big difference in personalities. One day I would love to work in critical care and work with people who are seriously suffering and try and make them feel that little bit better. Every single person I work with has been a huge inspiration, the nursing team I work within are amazing. Everyday I feel so lucky to work with such intelligent people and I feel so blessed.

Working in health care is a wonderful and rewarding thing, seeing somebody smile as they hear good news about their health or even just because you remembered to ask them how their Christmas/New year was, it's a job I would recommend to anybody who loved people and loved to help. 

Huge amount of appreciation to everybody who works in health and social care, without you our world wouldn't be the same! 

Love Chloe x

"Always find the time for things that make you happy to be alive"

This week has been an eye opener for me for multiple reasons;

I now know I need to learn to put myself first. I was to busy focusing on my career in the armed forces that I put my health and well-being at the bottom of the list of my priorities. After months of struggling I decided to put and end to it and go to the doctor and sort myself out, I won't lie, I am finding it very difficult. I had to make the choice between my career as an army HCA in the future or being happy in the present. 

It's been a week since I made that decision and today I felt my first lift of joy! I decided I would go to Cubs with my best friend and see if I liked it, and I did! So I'm going to continue volunteering with my local Cubs and it will give me something positive to use my energy on rather than over thinking every tiny little thing. It is so important to look after your well-being because that truly will shape your life, don't let things control you to much and find the time to spend time with family, friends and participating in your favourite hobbies, there is nobody more important than you.

I am gradually feeling better about everything in my life, my over thinking and unnatural worries was tearing apart everything positive I have in my life and I'm proud I made the step to become a happier, more positive person again. 

So in a nutshell I am saying don't focus to much on the future but focus on what is happening right now, it is important to have future goals and something to work towards but your well-being right now is so much more important!

Keep smiling, guys. 

I believe in you, I have all the faith in the world in you all.

So much love 

Chlo xxx 

Skinny Hurts

I've not posted in a while and I somewhat  lost the insperation to do so, until today.

All my life I've been battling a very difficult issue and that issue is self-esteem. My problem is that I have none. Since I can remember I've had troubles with my weight and it's always been something that's effected me physically and a lot emotionally. 

Way too much emphasis is put on 'bigger' girls that 'big is beautiful' and that 'boys want curves, not a bone'. They forget that it hurts, why is it that naturally slim is not beautiful? Why can others love their curves yet I can't love my bones? I used to wear TWO pairs of leggings under my tights at school if I wore a skirt because I was so ashamed to let anyone see the shape of my natural figure. I'd get awful comments "ew your wrists are so skinny it's disgusting" and a huge favourite among the bullies was "chicken legs" some of these comments came from my "friends" they thought it was hilarious that they could wrap their thumb and little finger around my wrist and absolutely gross how predominant my bones were in my hips or wrist. 

I found it so embarrassing that I wouldn't like to go shopping with my friends because at age thirteen whilst most my friends were in size sixes I was in children's clothes still. I remember the day my stepmum (one of the most amazing, encouraging people in my life) bought me a size six pyjama set and how happy was I when I tried it on and... IT FIT?!

 It's becoming more and more often artists in songs are "skinny shaming" and that makes the world think it's okay "I won't be no stick figure silicone Barbie doll" "f**ck them skinny bitches in the club". 

People need to realise that jokes or comments about people's weight is never okay. It's something that will scar someone and hurt them for a long time. I will be nineteen in June and I have my confident days but one small remark will haunt me for a long time. It always hurts.

So before you think about making a comment, think about it properly, think about how much you may be hurting that person. I personally want to join the British Army, when I'm laughed at because I look to scrawny to join it hurts my feelings, it knocks me down and I really struggle to get back up. 

Keep your heads up though because you're so beautiful no matter what shape you are. 

So much love,

Chlo x

The false sense of happiness created by social media

A few months ago I saw a very interesting article, it was about a Dutch girl who fooled her family and friends that she was travelling South East Asia when she was in her apartment in Amsterdam the whole time.

"I did this to show people that we filter and manipulate the things we show on social media"

She photoshopped pictures of her swimming in a local swimming pool to look like she was snorkelling with exotic fish, set up a realistic looking backdrop for Skype calls and added herself into photos of random people that she said she met whilst travelling! Genius.

I was fascinated by this post because it was so accurate. The worst people for showing off their amazing lives on social media are probably the worlds teenage population. You may see someone post online pictures of all their expensive purchases from the weekend, did it ever cross your mind they saved their money for months? It might not even be their picture. Someone may post how great and amazing their life is going right now, but do you know what's going on behind closed doors?

No.

People don't often post the dark things about their life on social media sites like Facebook/Twitter/Instagram because that wouldn't make them seem so rich and happy as they apparently are.

Before you get jealous of one persons fortune think of your own, remember that what your seeing isn't always true, it isn't reality, it's a representation.

Every cloud has a silver lining

Last year was a bit of a tough, yet fantastic year for me. I definitely had my fair share of ups and downs!

Around a year and a half ago I had a very rough patch where I had to go to the doctors due to mental health issues, the doctor I saw was a god send. If I needed him he would help me in every way he could. A few months later we resolved my issues and I felt so much stronger.

At the time I was secretly looking into joining the British Army. My boyfriend was currently in the mid stages of his application and I was debating whether my dream of joining was a phase. A while later I decided I would apply, after amazing interviews I was turned down at my declaration form. They said if in two years I had no further mental health issues I may have the chance of being a soldier. I left work in tears that day.

A few months later I started a job as a trainee health care assistant(which I am still doing) at the doctors I worked at before as a receptionist. Things definitely began to start looking up, I'm also studying Advanced Clinical Health Care at college and hoping to go on to do an access to nursing course in September so I could hopefully go on to join the army as an officer.  

At first, when I got deferred it felt like a death penalty, it felt as though my world had just crashed down and took every little bit of motivation I had. Even if the army don't accept me in two years I have the chance of doing something amazing with my life regardless. My friend recently told me a quote and I can tell you now, it will stick with me forever, it is so inspirational;

"Don't be pushed by your problems, be led by your dreams"

My fiancé was always reminded by his grandad "never give up" and he now tells me the exact same thing. It's amazing how three words can affect you so much, I haven't given up and I know I never will.

All my luck, all my smiles and all my love,

Chloe xx

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"

So today I was taking off one of my filled in eyebrows with my makeup remover and I got a sudden inspiration for a blog post. This is something which is very personal and I just felt I should share it to help other girls or guys who are going through what I went through. 

When I was in high school in year seven I had a huge huge crush on this guy. I didn't have much confidence and was very shy so I just kept my feelings to myself. A few weeks of gawping over how good looking I thought he was I found myself in food tech and he was shouting things to me, I can honestly say I have never felt worse in my whole life. I remember his words still; "Chloe you're ugly as f**k" and "you'll never get a boyfriend" "they'd have to be blind to kiss you" I just remember fighting back tears and acting as if I didn't care but the worst thing was I really did.

This is a photo of me in year 7 at school.

What made this worse was a few years later when we'd left school and I had started doing my hair and makeup he liked a few of my photos on social media sites. I had no idea someone could have the cheek to bully me for two years of my life but then decide to stop because I started to wear makeup!

So many young girls and boys are bullied because they don't fit into someone else's definition of perfect and I was one of them. It breaks my heart to know that my little sisters and brothers are going to grow up in such a harsh, materialistic world. Nearly every photo we see online or on a magazine cover has been manipulated and many people fall into the trap of believing that that is the real deal. 

So my idea tonight was take a picture of half my face with makeup on as if I was going out with my friends and the other half with absolutely nothing, just my bare face. I just want to show you that makeup doesn't make you beautiful and wearing no makeup doesn't mean that you're ugly. 

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"

No matter what anybody tells you, you are beautiful. Believe in yourself because I did and now I'm engaged to somebody that tells me I am beautiful every single day. I promise you can do this.

Love chloe xx

A lovely day

Today I started college again properly for the first time in two years! (not including my induction day just before Christmas) It was so bizarre to sit in a classroom and listen to a lesson. I'm studying clinical healthcare one day a week and on my first day I get lumped with two new assignments on safeguarding and physiology. It's so interesting and something I have a genuine passion for and hopefully I can go down the neuro-rehabilitation route and help those which are post brain op. 

Speaking of neurology I finally got my dementia friend pack and I can wear my badge with pride. I'm hoping to volunteer in my spare time and make a difference. 

Also, today I met an old school friend (Tom) who I was in maths class with for around a year and a half. I can't describe how nice it was and very strange because it has been almost three years since we properly spoke. We just went to Costa and wandered about and chatted really so it's been a very busy, very lovely and very happy day!

Recent review including a hint of today's antics.

I went to Manchester today with my work colleagues to watch a pantomime and to also have dinner with an old friend. I decided it would be the right time to try out my new lipstick and Mineralize skin finish by MAC. I'll include a picture but; 

Mac 'please me' lipstick is a matte pink and lasted very well. I only had to reapply a little bit throughout the day and the evening. The colour is great for a casual look and a glamorous evening look. 

The Mineralize skin finish is a pressed powder which looks great over any makeup and helps it stay on throughout the day and reduces shine. I reapplied to my T-zone a few times but other than that needed no extra touch ups throughout the day. 

Overall I would recommend them both to anybody, especially to a lover of Mac makeup and really enjoyed my day out with my friend and colleagues.

First ever post!

So happy new year!! Thought I would start my first post with my two new beauty buys from MAC. I will post a review shortly, I bought the mineralise skin finish in light and the matte lipstick 'please me' shade.

Hope you had a great new year everyone.