Living And Working With A Mental Health Disorder

In the past few weeks my anxiety has been higher than ever before and my self confidence has dropped to and all time low, some days I find it hard just to find the motivation and reason to get out of bed at the weekend, never mind to get up and work for a living.

I did this post so people can see that they're not alone and that they shouldn't suffer in silence because so many people go through it and hopefully can relate to my post.

I've been suffering low mood and generalized anxiety disorder since I was young with occasional spats of OCD. I didn't really understand what I was going through until I was around fifteen years old and honestly just thought my feelings were normal and everybody got them. Some days I could just cry at the drop of a hat or have a huge panic attack for no reason.

People with generalized anxiety know that there isn't always a trigger for an attack but once you have one for days after you can be shaky, nervous, really teary and very sad. It's hard to get yourself back out of that mind-frame especially after a big unexpected attack. I've found the best thing to do is tell the people around you so they know how you feel and can support you a little bit better. I'm lucky to have great colleagues that try understand and let me take a breather if I start to feel a little overwhelmed. I sometimes struggle even going into a shop, ordering my food at McDonald's is stressful for me when I see the queue going down and I haven't decided what I want yet, I panic because I feel like everyone is looking at me or because I haven't got my money ready and silly things like that.

The low mood seriously impacts my self-esteem and even now I'll doubt myself and how good I am at my job, my college work and my looks and it can really take its toll when you let them feelings over power you. I just have to try tell myself to rationalize these thoughts and get on with my life and be the best that I can be and know that I'm not alone.

It's hard to work when you're worried about what people think about you, when getting on a busy bus makes you panic that everyone is judging you but at the same time those that suffer these type of illnesses are those who try so hard to help others, because we don't want anyone to feel the way that we feel.

I feel that its made me compassionate and caring, making someone smile is the best gift to give. So if you ever feel that your mental illness is pulling you back think of all the times you've been motivated because of it. When you tell yourself that you wont let it beat you, or that you'll push through it. Well done because you're already taking the first step to getting past it!

Keep smiling, keep fighting;

Chloe xx